Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
