Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
