Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
