I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
