I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
