dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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