does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bring me that man meat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
