I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
