I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
