I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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