How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
