I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
