I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
