If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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