i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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