There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I party with great urgency now.
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