I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
accomplished twins. life is a go
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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