i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
