I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
