i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
