My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
