i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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