anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
