So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
