Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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