this beer tastes like vomit already
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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