her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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