im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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