I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
