I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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