So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
