but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
