theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
