You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
