After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
