despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
