So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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