I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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