I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
