I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
