You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
