I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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