She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
