The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
