Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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