ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
