what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
