This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
