oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
