8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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