I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
