I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
