**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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