you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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