How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
