Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
