Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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