I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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