So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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