I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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