I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
