i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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