On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
