giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
