dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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