I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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