Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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