In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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