Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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