You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
