Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Randomize
