hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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