My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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