he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
