So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
